How Communication Can Make Your Bedroom Experience Better for Both of You

You ever lay in bed next to someone who thinks they’re delivering Oscar-worthy passion, and you’re lying there mentally grocery shopping? Same. I’ve faked more “wow, baby, just like that” lines than I care to admit. At one point, I could’ve earned an Emmy. But let’s face it—I was lying to myself, too.

I used to believe if you really loved someone, they’d just know. Like a sexy Jedi mind trick. No need for awkward chats or requests. God forbid we actually use words during sex, right?

Wrong. The day I stopped biting my tongue was the day my toes finally curled for the right reasons.

I Was a Silent Actress, Not a Satisfied Lover

Let me confess. For years, I thought moaning louder fixed everything. If I upped the volume, maybe it would start feeling better. Maybe he’d notice I hated that thumb-to-the-wrong-place move. Spoiler: he didn’t. Why? Because I didn’t say a word.

Sex became this weird routine—like brushing teeth. Get in, do the moves, pretend it’s fireworks, go pee, roll over, sleep. I’d lie there wondering if something was wrong with me. Maybe I wasn’t wired for pleasure. Or maybe I was too picky. I blamed hormones. I blamed stress. I blamed gravity.

What I never blame? My own silence.

Then one night, fueled by wine and not enough patience, I blurted out, “Can we try something else? My body is bored.”
He didn’t die. He didn’t cry. He actually said, “Thank God. I thought you loved that move.”

Plot twist: I never loved that move. I tolerated it. Like wet socks.

Speak First, Moan Later ─ Why You Have to Use Your Damn Words

Your body doesn’t come with a manual. Neither does his. And guess what? No one reads minds. Shocking, I know.

Silence leads to:

• Fake orgasms
• Awkward friction
• Wild assumptions
• Crushed egos

Words lead to:

• Real pleasure
• Zero guessing
• Deeper trust
• Laughs mid-sex that actually bring you closer

You don’t need to give a TED Talk before every hookup. But you do need to stop making sex a silent movie. “Touch me here.” “Try slower.” “Can we bring in a toy?” All valid. All sexy when said with confidence.

The Dirty Talk Nobody Warned Me About

I used to think dirty talk meant saying “daddy” and hoping for the best. Turns out, the real dirty talk is saying what you want. Before, during, after. The more you talk, the more your body responds.

Not just “harder.” Not just “faster.” Try:

• “I love when you do that thing with your mouth.”
• “What would you do if my hands were tied?”
• “Let’s try something new tonight. I’ve got ideas.”

Every time I got bold, the sex got better. Less predictable. More electric.

Also, let’s not forget that one magical word: “No.” It’s sexy when you use it to set boundaries. Nothing hotter than a woman who knows her limits—and a partner who respects them.

Let’s Talk About That Toy Drawer

Sometimes, I need more than fingers and friction. So I brought up the idea of toys. He tensed up like I suggested we invite his mother to join us.

I explained I wasn’t replacing him. I was inviting backup.

He eventually agreed—after realizing it wasn’t a competition. That night we ordered our first toy together. It wasn’t just a game-changer for me. He got off on watching me take control.

Enter: the rabbit vibrators from Shop At Seduction. Double duty. External and internal pleasure. No awkward wires. No sad batteries. That little device said what I couldn’t for years: “Give me more.”

No shame. No performance. Just pure, guilt-free pleasure—on both ends.

Don’t Just Talk During Sex. Talk Before. Talk After. Talk Always.

You can’t fix anything with silence. The best sex I’ve ever had came after the ugliest, most honest conversations. When I said, “I felt disconnected last night.” Or, “I want to be worshipped, not rushed.” Or even, “Your breath smelled like regret and onions.”

Sometimes you need to debrief. Not in a judgmental way. In a “what worked, what didn’t, and what’s next” way.

It sounds terrifying, but once you get over the awkwardness, you unlock the magic.

Try asking:

• “What’s something you’ve always wanted to try but never said out loud?”
• “What turns you on mentally, not just physically?”
• “Do you feel sexy around me, or just obligated?”

Yes, it’s scary. But it’s also worth it.

When He Listens, I Soar. When I Speak, I Feel Seen.

Men often say they want a freak in the sheets. Cool. Then they get one, and they freeze.

Because the freak speaks.

Once I opened up about my fantasies—like being blindfolded, or being teased for an hour before anything happened—it gave him permission to do the same. We built a world without judgment. Just curiosity.

He said he always wanted to tie me up but never dared to ask.

I handed him a scarf and said, “Go on then.” Now I can’t walk past a silk tie without blushing.

When to Shut Up and When to Say More

Yes, communication is key. But timing? Even more critical.

Bad time:

• Mid-finish
• Right after an orgasm (your brain is mush)
• In public, loud places

Good time:

• During foreplay
• Right before sex
• Post-cuddle when your guards are down

There’s also a way to say things that don’t sound like criticism.

Try:

• “I love it when you go down on me. Can you use your tongue slower?”
• “That move last night had me close. Wanna try it again?”
• “What if we made a sexy bucket list?”

It’s collaborative. It’s playful. It leads to adventure, not shutdowns.

The Sex Talk No One Ever Gave Me

No one sat me down and said, “Hey, your pleasure matters just as much as his.” I had to unlearn decades of movies, porn, and whispery girl talk that treated female desire like an accessory.

If you want to feel more connected, more lit-up, more orgasmic, start with your damn voice.

Say what you want. Ask what they need. Set boundaries. Break patterns. Introduce fun. Suggest change.

You’re not a nuisance. You’re not too much. You’re just finally speaking up.

Final Thoughts

I used to think good sex rarely happened. Like magic. Or rainbows. Or men doing dishes.

But it actually comes from effort. From honesty. From awkward chats that turn into inside jokes. From trying weird things and laughing when they flop.

But most of all, it comes from knowing yourself. And not being afraid to speak your truth. Even mid-thrust.

So take your power back. Take your words back. Take your toy out of the drawer and say, “Let’s try something.”

And then? Say more. Moan louder. Laugh harder.

You’ve got nothing to lose, lots to gain.